Pronouns 101: An Intro to Gender Identity Terms

An introductory guide to pronouns and why understanding gender identity terms and misgendering is important

What makes a person a person? 

There are a lot of ways to answer this. From the anthropological, the biological, the philosophical… rather than do all that, let’s look at it from a relative point of view. If our reality is revealed and confirmed through orders, so must our personhood. We know we are human beings by our relationship with others.

All this to say, how do we confirm these relationships? One way is through language. Included in the language we use to refer to and relate to one another are the simple grammatical terms: pronouns.

Unless you’ve been avoiding all online and in-person communication, you’ve probably seen people disclosing their pronouns. Whether it’s a (he/him) after someone’s display name or someone saying “I use they/them” in conversation, personal pronouns are all the rage.

But, you may still be confused or need a refresher. Why do people do this? What does it mean and why is it important? Whether you’ve been asking or answering these questions, this guide is for you.

So, what are pronouns?

Quick grammar recap: pronouns are descriptive words used as substitutes for nouns and refer to someone or something who is “named or understood in the context,” according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Definition out of the way, pronouns are basically words we use to talk about someone or something.

When we talk about personal pronouns, we mean the set of words someone uses to refer to themselves. Some examples include he/him/his, she/her/hers or they/them/theirs.

A couple of notable distinctions:

• Neopronouns: These are pronoun sets that differ from the standard pronouns in that they are newer and have different spellings, but they are still used the same way as other pronouns.

• Ex: ve/vir/virs – Where is ve? Ve’s at vir friend’s place.

• Ex: xe/hir – How is xe? Xe’s having a hard time with hir school life. 

• No pronouns: Some people prefer not to use any pronouns. That means they’d rather people use their name to refer to them.

• Ex: What’s Peter up to? Not much, Peter’s relaxing at Peter’s house.

Pronouns can also be called gender identity terms.

How do I talk about pronouns?

To introduce your pronouns, you can say them after your name like so: 

“Hello, my name is [name] and I use [pronoun set] pronouns.”

You can also write them in parentheses after your name on social media or include them in your bio. Many social websites include a separate place to put your pronouns now.

However, if that visibility is uncomfortable for you or you’re undecided on your pronouns, you can discuss them with individuals as you deem necessary. For instance, if it’s an interaction with a person you’d likely never see again — such as an Uber driver or a cashier at a store — perhaps you’ll brush it off. But, for a new friend or coworker, you may want to pull them aside and have a talk about how you’d like them to refer to you.

Why are pronouns important?

Pronouns may seem very basic. Grammatically speaking, they are! But because they address individuals — our fellow human beings — they take on very personal connotations. Everyone wants to be treated fairly, and part of the way we do that is by respecting how people see themselves. Pronouns are relevant in this way because they affirm someone’s gender, identity, expression and simply their existence. 

It’s also important to note that everyone has pronoun preferences (because everyone exists and gets talked about!) and their importance does not only apply to transgender people. For more on this, check out NPR’s Guide To Gender Identity Terms, made in collaboration with GLAAD, transgender organizations and professional groups.

What is misgendering?

When we misuse pronouns or assume the wrong ones, that is called misgendering. It describes any act where an individual wrongly addresses or refers to another person. “Wrongly” in this case means inaccurate to the person’s identity. That’s why sharing pronouns is so important; it prevents us from hurting others.

Speaking from my own experience as a trans person, my pronouns are vital to me feeling safe and secure in my body. I use he/him pronouns, and when people address me correctly, I feel seen. When they don’t, I feel like I need to run away.

But, as I said earlier, you don’t have to identify with the trans experience to understand the importance of pronouns! Everyone has a pronoun preference, and they’re all valid.

What pronouns mean to me

On a personal note, let’s get into the reason I’m writing this article. My pronouns are a cornerstone of my identity. They’re a quick way to indicate who I am – in my case, a trans man. It was a long, painful journey to get to a point where I became comfortable using these pronouns, now a point of pride for me.

Every time someone uses my correct pronouns, it’s beyond just an acknowledgement of my gender – it’s an affirmation of my identity. It makes me feel seen. A tiny act that makes a huge impact on the way I live.

On the other end of this, when people use the wrong pronouns (even unknowingly or mistakenly), it hurts. Plain and simple. It can even lead me down a dark path depending on the situation.

It’s not a big ask for something that can mean so much to so many people.

Consider the humble pronoun and its true significance. Doing so may just save someone’s life.